By this time, Cathy Anderson- the supposedly average American mom who apparently discovered the best tiit whitening formula with her profound expertise of doing wonders in bed, is drooling over buckets of cash as part of a huge viral marketing campaign that not only shows the amount of freedom given to corporate pundits in America at the expense of public interest, but also proves the fact that one really can become rich overnight. If you recall the massive campaigning of those supertastic sauna belts that made slim those fat-butted losers on TV, and only on TV, this mom’s magical discovery of tiit whitening will also cease to exist once her employer is publicly exposed in full. I will try my best to do just that, but without the nerdy reference  to glycerin, starch, and menthol. In case you didn’t know, glycerin can also be written as C3H5(OH)3 and is part of the  hydrophilic hydroxyl gro… ok sorry!

Cathy’s praise of discovering the unimaginable is all over our Zionist imperialist media- not surprising considering  that even Jesus would welcome the scamy (scummy? Ed.) Cathy if he were paid in 7 digits. Now obviously, Cathy can’t possibly fund the marketing of her genius. She is just your average mom. The likes of her could only manage $130/h/night.

Allow me to clear something up straight away. I’m taking Cathy as an example to expose the wider issue. For example, we got rid of the bushy brained Bush only to leave his massive lobby still in power.  In a similar fashion, Cathy’s employer will use her as the escape goat for its crimes. Do you see where I’m going? Individuals are not nearly as harmful as the lobby that controls them. In the handy handbook of corporate imperialism, individuals are largely dispensable.

At this point, any knowledgeable person would stop reading this article because he/she knows the secrets behind deceptive marketing, and that Cathy’s miracles have existed since the death of Isa. But for the sake of the women who can’t drive for toffee, I’m willing to go like a virgin (hmm? Ed.).

Scamy Cathy claims that by mixing two ordinary teeth whitening products, Dentawhite and Dazzlesmile, she has created a miraculous toothpaste that guarantees your tits white in as low as 5 days. The sort of women she’s targeting are surprisingly not the ones with their mouths usually filled with the white stuff. Regardless of her target audience, there is one problem that you can’t escape from. Cathy’s suggested mix of chemicals are not available at your local departmental store. Let me repeat again, in bold, what I just said above.

1. Dentawhite / Dazzlesmile (the magic formula) IS NOT available at your local superstore.

Point to ponder: Cathy is suggesting that you buy a product that is physically non-existent.

Cathy continues to tell her folklore by offering you a virtual “discount” coupon for the two notable products. Oh wait… discount wa? Are you suggesting, Cathy, that I purchase the product online? Damn right!

2. Dentawhite and Dazzlesmile can ONLY be ordered ONLINE via CREDIT CARD.

It also appears that the two products are manufactured by the same parent company. But that’s fine because corporate moguls work like that. When was the last time you blamed Coca Cola for beverage-ing over 400 brands?

3. Dentawhite and Dazzlesmile share the same parent owner (strong likelihood)

Now, if you’ve ever participated in “opt-out at any time/cancel your membership, no questions asked” programs, you should know that it’s ridiculously easy to get scammed.  What starts out as a $5 sample turns into a monthly credit cruncher that is not easy to fight with. Are people really that stupid to believe that a company will give away a brilliant product for just $5? Apparently so… The Internet is riddled with people, I bet mostly women, sharing their say of the scam. But I won’t blame the victims for not doing their research beforehand. I mean, CNN featured Cathy’s discovery so it must be true, right?

I feel sorry for the scammed, and unfortunately for them, the money lost is never coming back.

Do you ever read the fine prints of your contract? It is estimated that 95% of the people don’t, which explains why they’re so vulnerable to scam artists.

Cathy’s Personal Scam: Screw the bitch!

Click here to visit Cathy’s website- a long-story-made-short of her discovery. Besides the very obvious that Cathy couldn’t have made her website herself as it is beyond the ability of a mother of two to code a clean and appealing website, take a notice of what happens when you click on the links to Dazzlesmile/Dentawhite from her website.

The links from Cathy’s website are directed to an ad-click agency. The agency logs your computer information and redirects you to the intended destination. So for every click to the scam artists from her website, Cathy gets paid. This mother is not only getting paid to sleep in bed with different people, she is making money by telling us about it.

You can also ignore all the user comments that you see on her website. Most of them are made-up and obviously fake. I tried to push a comment myself but it was instantly rejected.

Read the Fine Prints:

Cathy’s website, which is actually run by a professional scam artist (a guy), has this to say in the fine prints,

“THE STORY DEPICTED ON THIS SITE AND THE PERSON DEPICTED IN THE STORY ARE NOT REAL . RATHER, THIS STORY IS BASED ON THE RESULTS THAT SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE USED THESE PRODUCTS HAVE ACHIEVED. THE RESULTS PORTRAYED IN THE STORY AND IN THE COMMENTS ARE ILLUSTRATIVE, AND MAY NOT BE THE RESULTS THAT YOU ACHIEVE WITH THESE PRODUCTS. THIS PAGE RECEIVES COMPENSATION FOR CLICKS ON OR PURCHASE OF PRODUCTS FEATURED ON THIS SITE.”

That’s funny. If the story is not real, how the heck did it end up on the nation’s most popular news networks and websites?

And Finally, The Usual Predictable Outcome:

Just about enough people will fall a victim to Cathy’s (it’s not really her) treacherous marketing campaign. The scammers will have made enough money in time to buy them a mansion in the Caribbean, and spill the leftovers for lawyers to scavenge.

Cathy’s campaign is bound to be successful because it wasn’t presented in the usual way. It’s a story of a young mom who didn’t become an instant Internet sex sensation because her tits aren’t as big as her head. It’s a story of a mom who knows how to make the best of recession. It’s a story of a mom who doesn’t lie, because moms know best, right? Too bad Cathy, you barely fit the bill of a good mother. How could you possibly not be a lying bitch if your only source of income is a nationwide campaign full of shit?

To Those Disappointed:

There is nothing wrong with your teeth. How can some teeth come in the way of your personality? I have bad teeth myself. I’ve never had to hide a smile even if I didn’t brush my teeth that morning. If anyone marks you off because of your pale teeth, feel free to kick the person in the nuts twice, and once more on my behalf.

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• Integrating Forum/Blog (CMS) into Magento eCommerce

Magento is an opensource ecommerce solution developed by professional coders who rely on the community, whom they rarely give back to, to refine their product for enterprise use. Only the most patient, and persistant of sellers even go near Magento because this magnificient piece of software offers virtually no customisation. What it initially comes with is what will follow to your grave.  The learning curve is also so steep that it is not worth your time. In the end, you’re left with two options to get your store working the way you want, 1) Keep posting/bumping your threads at Magento-forums in shameless desperation that one might actually stop by and help you out, or 2) Bend over and sign a hefty check to upgrade your membership from freebie to pro. Only then will you be able to make the most out of your investment.

Anyway, you’re not here to read a pathetic review of a brilliant shopping cart, you’re here because you want to integrate a forum/blog CMS into your Magento store. It’s quite surprising that to this day, Magento team hasn’t come up with a single bridge to allow integration of content management systems into its software. Wouldn’t you want your customers to keep coming back? You may not have newer products to sell, but a professionaly managed blog (unlike this one) could at least keep you in the game. This is where integration comes in, and today I will show you how to integrate a forum into your Magento store. The same guide also applies to integrating blogs and other CMS’s.

The choice of software to integrate is limited at this time, and I do not take credit for doing any good. I’m merely restating what has already been said, but in a much more clearer and precise way.

Reference Magento Store: http://www.seawiser.com/home/
Integrated Forum Page: http://www.seawiser.com/home/community/

The power of Integration:
As much as I hate calculus, integration has some good use in real-life. The following 3 scenarios comes to life after successfully following this tutorial.

1. Customers log into Magento, and they are automatically logged into the integrated CMS.
2. Master CMS (Magento in our case) manages user registration and profiling.
3. Customers never leave the site. They access your forum/blog within the premises of Magento.

Nuts and Bolts:
We will mate Magento with the popular content management system, Joomla. Once successfully harrassed, Joomla will give us the power to select from a wide variety of blogging/forum systems for your Magento store. In case you’re wondering why I chose Joomla- it’s easy to integrate thanks to a slick plugin coded by its community. Your Magento installation will not be affected at any point during the intercourse of this tutorial. If you mess up, you can always redo the tutorial without cursing at me.

A Lot of Easy-to-Follow Steps:
1. I’m assuming that you already have Magento running on your server, not that is matters, if you don’t have it installed, just do it now.
2. Head over to Joomla.org and grab yourself a copy of Joomla, version 1.5.x.
3. Extract the installation package you downloaded above, and upload it into a folder on your server. Joomla can reside anywhere on the server as long as it is part of the same domain as Magento.
3a. For the sake of this tutorial, let’s place Joomla inside Magento’s root directory in a folder called ‘forum’ . Your newly created folder will now be among the several folders already present inside your Magento directory.
4. Proceed to install Joomla by pointing your web browser to the above folder.  If you managed to install Magento on your own, Joomla is even easier.
5. Once Joomla is successfully installed, access its front and back ends to make sure everything is in working order.
6. Now head over to  Jfusion.org and download a copy of Jfusion core package.
7. In your Joomla admin panel, select  the option ‘Extensions > Install/Uninstall”.
7a. Under “upload a package”, browse to the Jfusion package on your hard drive, and hit install. Upon a successful install, Joomla will spill a bunch of green lines with some irrelevant text written on them.
8. Go to ‘Components > Jfusion > Joomla options’. This option was not available before.
8a. Leave everything to default, but make sure to fill in “Full URL to Software” to what it actually is. This is the same as in Step-4
8b. Under “Login Identifier”, choose “Email”. Save.
9. You should now have “plugin configuration” opened up in front of you, if not, open it from Jfusion menu. Ignore any errors that show up from now on.
9a. From the listing, click on “configure plugin” for Magento.
9b. Put in the full URL path to your Magento root directory when asked (do not include a trailing “/” at the end)
9c. On the next screen, Jfusion will automatically fetch database values to fill up most of the input fields for you. Keep this page open as we will revisit it shortly.
9d. Now, open a new browser window/tab, and log into your Magento admin. Go to  ‘ System > Web Services > Roles ‘
9e. Create a new role, give it a name of your choice, and assign it “All” resources under “resource roles”. Save
9f. Now go to ‘System > Web Services > Users’. Create a new user by following the steps below.
9g. Make up a “username” and “API”, and keep a note of it. Assign this user a role under “User Role” (the role you created in step-9e). Save user
9h. We are now going to continue from where we left our Jfusion configuration (Step-9c)
9i. Fill in the username and API fields on the configuration page (we made them up in step-9g), and hit Save.
9j. Now, make  joomla_int the “Master” and Magento the nig… er, “Slave” by clicking on the appropriate icons. Ignore any errors.
9k. Revist “Joomla configuration” and “Magento configuration” pages, and without making any changes on them, hit Save. This step assigns users a default group.
10. From the Jfusion menu, click on “Login Checker”. Enter your email address and password that you used for installing Joomla. Now click on “Check Login”
10a. If you have been following all the above steps carefully, the next screen will be free of errors. If not, revist step-9a, and make sure all the fields are correctly filled in.
11. Go back to “plugin configuration” page, and this time, set Magento to “Master” and joomla_int to “Slave”
12. Go to Jfusion control panel (main page). Enable Jfusion, which should have been disabled by default.
13. You have successfully synced Joomla with Magento. Users who sign up for an account on Magento are automatically added into Joomla.
14. Now, head over to Joomla.org and search for blog/forum extensions. I personally prefer “ccboard” forum extension because it’s easy to customize.
15. Download an extension of your choice, and install it the same way as you installed Jfusion. Menu > Extensions >Install/Uninstall.
16. Now, in Joomla admin, go to ‘Menus > Main Menu’. Add a new menu, and from the list, select ccboard (or whatever the extension is called)
17. Make your newly created menu listing “Default”.
18. Done. You can thank me later because the bigger challenge is yet to come.

At this point, sign up a new user in Magento, and keep it logged in. Now visit your Joomla-based forum/blog, and try to login using the same credentials. You should be able log into Joomla as well.

Note: Due to current limitation of Jfusion, users logged into Magento are not logged into Joomla-forum/blog automatically. They will be asked to relogin. There is an extension available that fixes this issue. I believe it is called “reverse double login”, but the author of the extension wants $50 for it. No thanks, I’d rather spend my money on Craplist erotic services.

One Last Very Important Note:
I lied when I said users never leave the site to access your forum/blog, and here is why. You installed Joomla in its own folder, and when you point your browser to it, all you see is a Joomla-styled site, and not your Magento store look-alike. So take some time and style your Joomla templates to resemble those of Magento. Unfortunately, there is no getting out of it. You will most likely run into layout issues, but any experienced web designer can tackle such issues with ease. It took me several hours to truly integrate a forum into Magento. You cannot just copy/paste your Magento templates into Joomla. For instance, the search bar won’t work, and the menus won’t work either (unless you made them custom). Since my store is almost completely custom designed, I didn’t run into a big pile of bullshit. As for the search bar, I replaced it with a look-alike Joomla search bar.

What About Native Magento Forums/Blogs?
There are none available at the time of writing. There is, however, a simple blogging platform for Magento made by LazyMonkey. There is also a Drupal extension for Magento, but I haven’t tried that out.

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When it comes to wireless networking (more commonly Wifi), I’m sure you have come across, or at least read about, “802.11 g/b” and/or “54mbps” products. Numbering aside, what’s the deal with the g’s, b’s, and n’s? The (n)erdy (g)ay (b)oys at the institute of virgins, the sort of people of who think it is a cool idea to throw in random alphanumerics to anything civilized, just don’t get it do they? Just say that this is fast and that is crap, move on. Why make things so complicated? For a breakdown on technical garbage, Wackypedia is full of (sh)it. What you really want to know is whether your dollar is worth reading this article, and I can assure that it is.

Wifi-N vs Wifi g/b (802.11 g/b/n vs 802.11 g/b):

Let’s cut to the chase straight away. Wifi-N touts itself as the fastest wireless solution providing speeds of up to 300mbps. The more common resident is limited to a speed of just 54mbps. If I were a marketing Nazi, I would claim that my Wifi-N product “does Internet 6 times faster”- a tribute to American porn for HD lovers. It’s true that Wifi-N offers 6 times the bandwidth (or speed) compared to its aging sister, does your Internet actually run at 6 times the speed or anywhere near it? The answer
is as good of a ‘yes’ as a 747 crashing into the Pentagon.

How fast do you want it to be?

Wifi-N at 300mbps translates into approximately 38MB/s
Wifi-g/b at 54mbps is about 7MB/s

To put the numbers into perspective, an average MP3 song is 5MB in size. A standard definition movie is about 700MB, and a DVD movie, as you know already, is approximately 4500MB. Surely if your downloads deserve the best, Wifi-N appears to carve the path ahead, doesn’t it?

The catch is: Your Internet shit provider (ISP) doesn’t offer speeds that even come close to flooding the older Wifi. For example, Comcast- the largest superbowl-porn cable operator in the States, signs you up for a usable Internet bandwidth of just 6mbps, which is “drop the pants, no genitals” compared to any modern standard. In fact, the fastest speed that you could subscribe to in this country maxes out at 16mbps, which is still pathetic knowing Nuclar-Korea averages nearly 8 times more. Corporate networks are a different story, however.

The fastest Internet nations in the World only just about stretch the older Wifi to its limit. Furthermore, high speed data transmission is best done over cable anyway. Even so, it’s fairly beyond the reach of a website and server to provide a huge chunk of its alloted bandwidth to a single user. This is primarily the reason why websites often seem slow even though your Internet is relatively brisk. So the talk about Wifi-N being the best Wifi holds no importance. Would you buy a Ferrari for the streets of London? Unless of course you actually bought one for the divine purpose of picking up prostitutes, you’re not much faster than public transport. By the same token, you might buy Wifi-N thinking your downloads will be faster, which is also practically nonsense. I think you get the idea by now.

Upon your next wireless purchase, make sure you go through user reviews. You want a wireless card that gets you the best signal reception, not necessarily the one with the highest speed or more antennas. Having previously used its products, CISCO makes the best of the lot, but their price doesn’t include a free vacation to Hawaii- neither does Dlink’s or Trendnet’s, but at least the smaller brand is light on your wallet.

Not the end of the story: Wifi-N shines, if:

1. You run a wireless corporate network on makes-me-jealous Internet speeds.
2. PC-to-PC file transfer
3. A busy local network

No wireless adapter will make your Internet run any faster, possibly better, but definitely not any faster. Wired networking will always be faster and more reliable compared to Wifi.

Compatibility:
Wifi-N products are backward compatible. A Wifi-N card will work with Wifi g/b routers, and vice versa. The maximum data speed is limited by the slowest element in the loop.

Update: It came to my attention lately that some brands are selling wireless products targeted at gamers. Correct me if I’m wrong, online gaming gives precedence to pings (time it takes for information to transfer from point A to B), and we’ve already established that wired networking is more reliable than wireless, it’s certain that claims of better gaming on wireless products is bogus.

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You are at local electronics store, puzzled in excitement, and with that dorky face of yours- doesn’t help you look less intimidating to the woman waiting behind you for you to move your sorry butt out of the way. To hell with her, you are about to make the decision of your life. Should you buy the gold plated HDMI cable for $35, or the one less exotic for only $25. Unfortunately, the answer is “NO” to both. As with any other type of cable, HDMI is your standard 19/29-pin “ordinary” copper cable insulated in a thick layer of rubber. There is nothing magical going on the inside- the terms “gold plating”, “high-bandwidth”, “Full-HD”, and countless others are just there to fill the gape in between [Company name] and [HDMI cable]. You’re smart enough to know what I’m talking about- a “Belkin gold-plated HDMI cable” sure sounds erotic compared to “Generic piece of shit”.

For a display screen sitting a few feet away from a multimedia source, you need not spend a fortune on “gold plated, high bandwidth, super shielded, [insert irrelevant details]” HDMI cables. A quality HDMI cable won’t make look your TV any better if your display is grainy to start with. The converse is also true, a cheap HDMI cable won’t make your viewing any worse. It is ultimately the quality of your display that matters most.

In the end, just go for the cheaper cables and feel proud of yourself that you made the right decision. And for the remarkable savings you made, buy yourself some protection before you book a happy-time on Craigslist.

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Setting sail off the coast of Mumbai to the city of Los Angeles, does Bollywood have what it takes to rival the masters of motion picture industry? As part of a huge cultural identity, Bollywood gives birth to nearly 800 films annually with an estimated reach of 1.5 billion viewers worldwide. Impressive as it may sound on paper, questions have been raised about whether the Indian film industry has the capacity to launch itself across the seven seas to rival Hollywood. In the eyes of avid Hindi/Urdu film lovers, it is an interesting prospect that might just pay off. Sadly, a direct comparison of the two giants is not easy to make as they differ vastly from one another in cultural, moral, and financial values. It is no surprise then that Bollywood’s inclusion in American showbiz is largely catered by American Indians, which is understandable given the influx of Indian immigration to this country, or in fact the whole of Western hemisphere including Canada, and Great Britain. But to an audience that is only used to Hollywood, does Bollywood have what it takes to rival Los Angeles, or is it merely an Internet myth?

In her article “Why is Bollywood Obsessed with Producing Crossover Films?” published in New India-Times, New York, Rajal Pitroda, a knowledgeable critic of the Indian entertainment industry, criticizes the rising development of Indian film industry for being alarmingly Western ethnocentric. In her response to Bride and Prejudice, America’s first mainstream exposure to Indian filmmaking, and a montage of Indian producers seeking to make the next big crossover film, she writes, “Are we just seeking appreciation and acceptance from the West? And what about our industry at home? What is actually happening to Bollywood in Mumbai?” These are indeed important questions. Just because Bollywood is one of the largest film industries in the world with a huge fan base to back it up, that doesn’t mean success should also materialize in America. The problem is, Bollywood was never originally set up to take on a global voyage. It was merely a digital transformation of the poetic, and romantic Indian culture. So why this increasing adaptation of Western culture into Bollywood? The answer is quite simple; money!

A single Hollywood production can cover the cost for over 100 Bollywood films. Likewise, screening of Bollywood films in America is a profitable business for the producers back home in India. As of 2008, Bollywood made a profit of almost $100 million in America alone, more than it made from Asia, Australia, and Europe combined (Wadhwani). It is evident from this factual data why Indian filmmakers are so keen on making the next big one. Unfortunately for them, it is this greed for money that may lead to an epic destruction of Bollywood, both in India and abroad.

What good is a movie that is not original, or at least pretends to be? Ball writes, “Typically running three long hours, an Indian movie was not only tedious to me, a naturally peripatetic guest, but also irritatingly boring. Lacking subtitles, a typical movie was characterized by interims of musical scores, commonly four to five, and acted upon with what is called -Going around the trees scenes- basically, a love scene interpolations.” I could hardly disagree. Your average Joe would not pay for some mediocre singing in the woods, repetitive love stories, and cartoon-like special effects. Are you ready for the next superman? It comes from India. It climbs buildings and flies like an eagle. If only Hollywood had something better to offer.

Speaking of which, where do Indian filmmakers get their inspiration for super human characters from? Partly from Hindi folklore, and some from plagiarizing. In fact the list of plagiarized Bollywood films is so embarrassingly long, it is quite a page turner. Even though copyright enforcement in India has picked up some momentum recently, however, there is no general agreement that it has (Shedde). In 2008 alone, 3 Bollywood films have allegedly hijacked Hollywood originals, the most controversial being God Tussi Great Ho, a rip-off of the 2003 box ofice hit, Bruce Almighty. This will not go down well for Bollywood. Neither would Hollywood stand for plagiarizing, nor will the American people.

There is something else that would not go down well with the American people; movie piracy. When Hollywood movies get illegally put on the Internet for free download in India, why should Bollywood get any business in America at all? It is a question that will be raised soon, if not later.

India is one of the poorest countries in the world. There is not enough investment in the country to support large scale film projects. Moreover, it lacks institutions needed to train directors, and writers alike (Pitroda). As it stands now, Bollywood is not ready to take on the big challenge. The Indian producers must not be weary of this fact, and should rather focus on making films that handed them glory in the first place. Perhaps independent filmmakers in India would see this as an opportunity to make a name for themselves. Success comes from being persistent, not from copying others, not from impressing them, either.

References:
Ball, Isabel. “Bollywood vs. Hollywood Clash of Titans.”
Pitroda, Rajal. “Why is Bollywood Obsessed with Producing Crossover Films?”
Shedde, Meenakshi. “Plagiarism issue jolts Bollywood.”
Wadhwani, Anita. “Bollywood Mania Rising in United States.”

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Why don’t gAypple call Mac a PC and move on with life? Underneath those smooth boob-ish curves is just some PC hardware running a non-Windows operating system. Perhaps the term ‘PC’ is too general for the gayness of Apple. Let’s call it a Mac- look at me: I’m Mac and successful. Or in words of the great American philosopher, Steve Jobs, I’m ignorant and homosexual.

In desperation, every i-thing that has ever come out of the Cupertino outfit tries to prove itself different when it plainly isn’t. The iPod was, and still remains, the most expensive audio/video player to date. Don’t get me started- you will find hundreds of quality iPod-equivalent music video players online for less than $100. But you still bought the iPod, didn’t you? Why… because you’ve been fed a whole load of marketing insanity.

The iPhone- please! I’d rather buy a Windows-PDA. I suppose you’ve never come across a Nokia N-series phone either. The Mac Airbook- so thin and fragile it breaks if you fart on it.

Factually, you’re already gay, and this surveys proves it. The question is, how gay are you? Statistically, America is the most religious in all of western democracies. But religion is merely overstated when everyone’s a homosexual.

If it’s a cell phone with Internet connectivity is what you want, any old bollocks will suffice.

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• Integrating Forum/Blog (CMS) into Magento eCommerce

Buttons can simply be text links, and unless you have a million links on your web, it is a good idea to give those links a decent look to emphasize on their importance. Cascading Style Sheet, or CSS, is a set of style-rules that makes the functional part of a website look pretty. Without the use of images, Javascript, or even Flash, CSS can transform a lonely text link into a vibrant and dynamic button.

From Links to Buttons to Menus: (mouse-over for effects)

Source Code:
Insert the following code into the HEAD section of your HTML document.

<style type="text/css">
/****************** CSS code for Buttons Set 2 ******************/
 
/* DIV container to hold buttons, and set container properties */
#button_holder2 {
	display:block;
	float:left;
	font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
	font-size:15px;
	color:#CCC; 
}
/* Button properties in still mode */	
.btn2 a {
	padding:0 20px;
	float:left; 
	text-decoration:none;
	color: #069;
	font-weight:bold;
	border:1px solid #09C;
}
/* Button properties in dynamic mode (mouse-over) */
.btn2 a:hover {
	color:#fff;
	background-color:#09C;
}
 
</style>

Now place the below code, wherever you want your menu to appear, into the BODY section of your HTML document.

<!-- Buttons set 2 -->
<div id="button_holder2" class="btn2">
    <a href="#">This</a>
    <a href="#">Looks</a>
    <a href="#">Even</a>
    <a href="#">Prettier</a>
</div>

Download full HTML source – contains all 3 menu sets

That was simple, wasn’t it? A functional and elegant web menu without the timeconsuming Flash, Javascript, or Photoshop. Just remember to replace the “#” with links of your choice. The CSS code itself is self-explanatory (see commentary for details)

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Let us first put down some of the many undisputed facts about Blu-ray so as to leave no doubts in our minds that Blu-ray is the best multimedia technology of our time.

• Blu-ray is not an audio/video technology
• Blu-ray is not a High-Definition technology
• Blu-ray is not better than HD-DVD
• Blu-ray limits your viewing experience than it adds to
• Blu-ray movies can be played on non-HD displays
• Blu-ray movies are infected with DRM software
• Blu-ray movies will only play on HDCP-compliant devices (old HD-displays/players obsolete)
• Blu-ray players, in near future, may require Internet connectivity whilst watching Blu-ray movies
• Blu-ray cannot replace existing storage technologies
• Blu-ray is an impractical storage medium
• Blu-ray disks are easy to break/damage
• Blu-ray is relatively expensive

What Blu-ray is, exactly:
A high-density optical storage technology developed by one of the bigger homosexuals of our imperialist corporate industry.
That’s right Sony boy. Blu-ray is just a storage medium- no different to CD’s, DVD’s, and HD-DVD’s alike. And just for the record, Sony does not wholly own Blu-ray.

Hi-Def- not to be confused with Bluray:
Simply put- HD is a general term for high-resolution displays/videos, but not the highest. Generally, Hi-Def follows a set standard, namely: 1080p, 1080i, and 720p- where 1080p being the highest supported standard among modern LCD and Plasma technologies. Some of the larger LCD monitors targeted for PC extend resolution beyond that of 1080p to what can be called Ultra-HD. Since Blu-ray is just a storage technology, it holds no claim over Hi-Def. Any storage medium can store HD content, even if it is a floppy disk from the era of dont-use-condoms.

Blu-ray HD vs 1080p HD:
There is no difference between 1080p HD and Blu-ray HD, the later being a fancier name of the previous.

Play Blu-ray movies without a Blu-ray player/disk?
Blu-ray movies can be run off your PC hard drive, provided you have any stored on the hard drive itself. It’s a slightly troublesome method, but at least you’re not limited to a $1000 Blu-ray player. Even better, why not use NetFlix’s HD streaming service instead?

> Download sample 1080p HD clip for your PC (WMV format): Download

HD-DVD is no different to Blu-ray:
If the whole purpose of having BR is to aid in higher resolution (sharper, vivid) visuals, it is an expensive one, and frankly, not worth your time or money. Like BR, HD-DVD is also a high-density storage medium- and likewise, it can store full-HD content up to 3 hours in length. In essence, HD-DVD technology makes more sense over Blu-ray due its relatively low manufacturing cost. Sadly, HD-DVD is no longer with us (courtesy the BR mafia)

Blu-ray playback is possible on non-HD displays:
Any modern day PC, equipped with a Blu-ray drive, can be hooked up to any non-HD display for a perfectly smooth video playback. The only thing stopping you from doing so comes in shape of HDCP (High-bandwidth Content Protection), a security system that is easily broken.

Blu-ray is intentionally bugged; Welcome to HDCP-monopoly
HDCP, as mentioned above, encrypts video/audio streams as they are transmitted through Displayport, HDMI, and DVI interfaces. Older HD-ready displays with only component video interface (RGB) are not compatible with HDCP (and hence Blu-ray). This protection system prevents a users from copying digital content, even if it were for backup purposes. The more tech-savy users know that it is not hard to break HDCP. In fact, several no-name devices can be bought off ebug and craplist that make it possible to run Blu-ray movies on VGA-type/non-HDCP displays.

Blu-ray copyright protection is reportedly a big failure:
How else would the Internet be full of downloadable Blu-ray rips? Like always, P2P is the culprit. Let’s us not dwell on this subject any further as I want this site to live.

Blu-ray is popular among gays:
This is an absolutely absurd claim. People shouldn’t confuse the fancy-ness of Blu-ray with that of the iPhone.

Blu-ray is almost a worthy storage medium:
There is no denying Blu-ray disks store massive chunks of data, however, BR-disks don’t come cheap, and it’s not like the disk is small in size that you can slip it down your pocket.

Flash memory: The best alternative to high-capacity storage
Comparatively, Flash memory is rewritable, cheaper, smaller, faster, reliable, and more compatible. Can you think of one reason a $50 32GB flash drive is in any way inferior to a 25GB Blu-ray disk? Our future lies in silicon. It is expected that most mechanical storage devices (for ex. hard disks) will be replaced by flash storage by 2012, by which time Sony will patent its bragging rights to super-ray; Welcome to the PlayStation 4.

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Situations presented below may require you to have prior knowledge on certain historical events pertaining to religious/political beliefs and their relevance in modern times. This article neither supports, or condemns Zionism. No one religion is inferior to the other.

As oil derricks take one last plunge into the Arabian soil, or at least that is what we know from credible sources like Rupert Murdoch, Abu Dhabi, the capital city of the most flamboyant “not so deserted anymore” Arab nation recently dumped a chunk of its camel fat into the second largest microprocessor manufacturer in a bid to survive financially difficult times up ahead. That’s right America: one more to the Arabs. Welcome to Al-AMD; oil enriched godly micro chips for your PC. But should you really be concerned? Think again… the more the Arabs get, the shorter they live. Not that I do not care, but a “give-and-invade” strategy has been set up in the Middle East since WWII, a strategy well mastered and accomplishment by the disputed Jewish land of Rabbi’s; Israel. So what in the name of Isa’s second coming am I rambling about anyway?

Intel vs AMD; On the sidewalk, Christians!
After George Wimping Bush’s supreme 2-term reign in the office that led to the most stable America since “…”, and to our first black president in history (ironic?)- the two economies that seemingly dodged the onslaught of financial trouble are neither part of the Americas, or the European Union. They are in fact located in the ruins of violent religious history; the Middle East. It should then come out no surprise to you that a good number of US corporates are foreign owned. I wouldn’t call an American born Jewish entrepreneur a true American because deep down in his heart he wants Israel at the expense of whatnot. I wouldn’t call an American born Arab a true American either for the same basic reasoning. The fact that Jews got the smarter brains (our media lifestyle), and Arabs the bigger dough (biggest oil exporters), there is nothing a Joe Shmoe can do but spectate the proceedings of his country’s demise. Besides, it is too late to make a comeback anyway- we owe far too much to the Chinese and the Arabs for buying our debts, and Israel for running our businesses. If you disagree with me, you probably still believe that Apollo-11 was for real, and that Marvin Bush had nothing to do with WTC. But where does Intel and AMD come in?

Ever since Intel first established its office in Haifa some 35 years ago, it has since invested more than $6 Billion in Israel alone. Intel is also the largest employer in Israel with an estimated 7000 bright Jews chip-ing for it. Needless to say, anything good to have come out of Intel had something to do with Israel one way or another. And despite being frequently rocked by home-made missile attacks that always seem to miss their target, Israel continues to prove itself a reliable chip developer for Intel. Codename: Jerusalem will be the company’s last and most powerful processor. I can only begin to assume that there would only be 3 such processors, each powering a node on Temple Mount- the final resting place of the Third Temple.

Welcome to Al-AMD; Arabian fried chips!
The only rival to Israel’s Intel, AMD was at an urge of filing bankruptcy if it weren’t for the Arab sheiks’ ludicrous bonanza to keep it alive. While many Americans do not favor an Arab influence over AMD, they fail to realize the fact that it is because of this very deal that consumers, for the first time in microchip history, are able to buy flagship parts from both sides of the camp at half of what they used to pay previously. Even the juiciest of AMD quad core processors can be had for under $200. Compare this to yester years when we were spending over $500 on a single high-end CPU.

As it stands now, Abu Dhabi holds 18% of AMD with plans of raising its stake in the company. The spin off gives AMD the role of a design company, while Abu Dhabi’s investment firm Mubada Development Company takes in charge of manufacturing. From a consumers’ point of view, the future looks bright for the Sunnyvale outfit. And whilst it is too early to speculate a definite outcome, AMD doesn’t mind taking a piss at Intel. For the first time in 3 decades, the underdog has decided to take the game right up Intel’s butt hole, even if it lures it to unethical marketing measures. There is of course just one problem. Intel’s supremacy over microchips is in jeopardy. The Santa Clara based outfit is not only squeezing down on its profits, but it is also facing a fierce challenge from AMD’s graphics division, ATI.

Correct me if I’m wrong, Intel is bound to use AMD’s Arab venture to its own dirty profit. You just have to remember about the Intel-Israel-America connection. A high profile Intel official says this in his speech the other day, “We’re are very skeptical about AMD’s operation in the Middle East. We have a reason to believe that its microprocessors might be going in the wrong hands. It is for the freedom of our people that we put a stop to this virus from spreading.” A few months and Congress bills later, a floating ZIP code pops out in the Arabian Sea.

A Digital War over Holy Grounds:
How do you plan out an attack on a country that is host to the best hotels, the best cars, the best tourism spots, and the best of your retired countrymen? In my book of deception, Osama bin Laden is still alive, and plans on fertilizing Iran’s long-range missiles with AMD chips for added accuracy. The UAE denies this claim, but Mossad agents gather enough evidence they manufactured in Los Angeles. Time is running out for the Arab sheiks. They must either comply to the New World Order, or face prosecution by MK-77.

A sophisticated, and long due Zionist dream is coming to an end. We have lost our economy- lost our bread- lost the wars that weren’t for us to fight anyway- and even lost our faith in God. Wake up America: there is a big world outside.

Not to be misunderstood:
Isa: Jesus in Arabic  literature
Zionism: is not limited to radical Jews, but it is also accepted among some Muslims and Christians.
Temple Mount: The holiest site in Judaism- 3rd holiest in Islam
MK-77: Banned fuel gel bomb massively used by US forces in Iraq and Afghanistan (see Napalm)
Floating ZIP code: Aircraft carrier
Wake up America: Seriously, wake up!

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Desperate to become profitable again, yet pressing on with its tradition of producing exclusively dull video games, Electronic Arts wants to have another go at it. Only this time, they have gone too far. As if guns and knives weren’t enough to kill your mind, now featuring hookers in high-definition in a pathetic attempt to snatch back its gaming pedigree; EA is back in business, or is it?

Back in its glory days, EA used to be the gamers’ choice. Its games were inspiring, creative, and a lot of fun to play. Those things are now an old myth. The loyalists continue to cheer on nevertheless. Following the footsteps of Google, Microsoft, and ‘free porn for kids’ Youtube, EA is an island surrounded with hype, fanboys, and right-wing journalism. No kidding… $60 for a video game that is hardly entertaining, and I thought marriage was an expensive commitment. You will have only yourself to blame if your wife choses to ditch you, unless you represent the 30-40% demographics, you probably would not care anyways. But let us not make this good read a breeding ground of your sexuality. I want to know why EA thinks it is a brilliant idea for gamers to have some sort of sex in video games, games that kids of all ages play.

Introducing Command and Conquer; Red Alert 3. A sequel to possibly the largest strategy video game franchise in history. The fans (including nerds) lost hope in EA long time back when it actually took over and demolished the original creators of this franchise; Westwood Studies. For those of you who don’t know, Red Alert is a real-time strategy video game based on a fantasy war whilst blending in favorably with modern world politics. In its third volume, you command the forces of three superpowers who go up against each other; USA, Russia, and collective white Asia. You receive intel from your assistant commander in office; a women with prominently big breasts. What’s wrong with you ask? Hold on to that thought… Guess who your assistant commander on the field is? Another woman with even bigger breasts. Now see if you can find any coherence of the breasts theme with the game’s promotional shootout.

What sort of feminism is that? They have forgotten war veterans in favor of playboy hookers to lead our forces across the oceans to defeat the enemy. Good progress!

More importantly, do you know Gemma Atkinson? Pfft. Nor do I. A quick Googla search reveals promising stats. Atkinson is a British TV personality and full-time lingerie model for men’s magazines… Arena, FHM, and Maxim are just a few of her labels. Apparently, she also went through breast surgery in 2006 that brought her bra size to 34E. I would not know the schematics behinds bra-numbers, I guess bigger the better, and 34E sounds juicy enough.

Also falling under the same category, meet Jennifer McCarthy, the sizzling American playboy sensation from last decade. Like Gemma, she too went through breast enlargement, and has thus far been featured in Playboy no fewer than 10 times. McCarthy has admitted in the past to have had sexual encounters with women, which explains why she cheated on her ex-hubby like she did. It gets better and better, doesn’t it?

Apart from the two mentioned, Red Alert 3 also features Kelly Hu, Ivana Milicevic, and Autumn Reeser. All of whom have something to show you. If you buy this game you would almost certainly look these women up, inside and out. The game is, of course, rated for teens but it is actually played by kids of all ages. And so it shouldn’t surprise you if your kids winds up on Google porn faster than you can walk up to their rooms.

What message is EA trying to propagate, seriously?

“Tesla tanks and big boobs… I’m totally sold.” says 14-year old Bob, a Red Alert fan. In fact, the general attitude toward the game is that even though it stinks as much as EA itself, it is the sex part that keeps you coming for more. And just when you thought it couldn’t get more vulgar, EA, in its promotional video tagged “The Women and Men of C&C”, is offering you a chance to satisfy your dirty desires on purchase of Red Alert 3: Premier Edition, which is another $20 over regular price. This supposedly exclusive edition of the game gives an inside look at making of RA-3 itself, and as promised, more bo… goodies.

How low could a franchise possibly go? Why can’t EA spend money on making its games better than hiring hookers to make up for its poor quality of outsourced labor? It is such a shame to witness a popular brand go down because of its childish, greedy, and ignorant wish to rule the gaming world.

Electronic Arts is an imperialist of the gaming industry. It knows it can’t play fair, and those who do eventually get stabbed in the back. If you are a concerned parent that your kid might be exposed to sex in video games, boycott Electronic Arts. If you are a gamer who wants to make the best out of your games, also boycott Electronic Arts. And if you are one of those deluded fanboys who don’t give a rat’s ass: it is never too late to convert.

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