Desperate to become profitable again, yet pressing on with its tradition of producing exclusively dull video games, Electronic Arts wants to have another go at it. Only this time, they have gone too far. As if guns and knives weren’t enough to kill your mind, now featuring hookers in high-definition in a pathetic attempt to snatch back its gaming pedigree; EA is back in business, or is it?

Back in its glory days, EA used to be the gamers’ choice. Its games were inspiring, creative, and a lot of fun to play. Those things are now an old myth. The loyalists continue to cheer on nevertheless. Following the footsteps of Google, Microsoft, and ‘free porn for kids’ Youtube, EA is an island surrounded with hype, fanboys, and right-wing journalism. No kidding… $60 for a video game that is hardly entertaining, and I thought marriage was an expensive commitment. You will have only yourself to blame if your wife choses to ditch you, unless you represent the 30-40% demographics, you probably would not care anyways. But let us not make this good read a breeding ground of your sexuality. I want to know why EA thinks it is a brilliant idea for gamers to have some sort of sex in video games, games that kids of all ages play.

Introducing Command and Conquer; Red Alert 3. A sequel to possibly the largest strategy video game franchise in history. The fans (including nerds) lost hope in EA long time back when it actually took over and demolished the original creators of this franchise; Westwood Studies. For those of you who don’t know, Red Alert is a real-time strategy video game based on a fantasy war whilst blending in favorably with modern world politics. In its third volume, you command the forces of three superpowers who go up against each other; USA, Russia, and collective white Asia. You receive intel from your assistant commander in office; a women with prominently big breasts. What’s wrong with you ask? Hold on to that thought… Guess who your assistant commander on the field is? Another woman with even bigger breasts. Now see if you can find any coherence of the breasts theme with the game’s promotional shootout.

What sort of feminism is that? They have forgotten war veterans in favor of playboy hookers to lead our forces across the oceans to defeat the enemy. Good progress!

More importantly, do you know Gemma Atkinson? Pfft. Nor do I. A quick Googla search reveals promising stats. Atkinson is a British TV personality and full-time lingerie model for men’s magazines… Arena, FHM, and Maxim are just a few of her labels. Apparently, she also went through breast surgery in 2006 that brought her bra size to 34E. I would not know the schematics behinds bra-numbers, I guess bigger the better, and 34E sounds juicy enough.

Also falling under the same category, meet Jennifer McCarthy, the sizzling American playboy sensation from last decade. Like Gemma, she too went through breast enlargement, and has thus far been featured in Playboy no fewer than 10 times. McCarthy has admitted in the past to have had sexual encounters with women, which explains why she cheated on her ex-hubby like she did. It gets better and better, doesn’t it?

Apart from the two mentioned, Red Alert 3 also features Kelly Hu, Ivana Milicevic, and Autumn Reeser. All of whom have something to show you. If you buy this game you would almost certainly look these women up, inside and out. The game is, of course, rated for teens but it is actually played by kids of all ages. And so it shouldn’t surprise you if your kids winds up on Google porn faster than you can walk up to their rooms.

What message is EA trying to propagate, seriously?

“Tesla tanks and big boobs… I’m totally sold.” says 14-year old Bob, a Red Alert fan. In fact, the general attitude toward the game is that even though it stinks as much as EA itself, it is the sex part that keeps you coming for more. And just when you thought it couldn’t get more vulgar, EA, in its promotional video tagged “The Women and Men of C&C”, is offering you a chance to satisfy your dirty desires on purchase of Red Alert 3: Premier Edition, which is another $20 over regular price. This supposedly exclusive edition of the game gives an inside look at making of RA-3 itself, and as promised, more bo… goodies.

How low could a franchise possibly go? Why can’t EA spend money on making its games better than hiring hookers to make up for its poor quality of outsourced labor? It is such a shame to witness a popular brand go down because of its childish, greedy, and ignorant wish to rule the gaming world.

Electronic Arts is an imperialist of the gaming industry. It knows it can’t play fair, and those who do eventually get stabbed in the back. If you are a concerned parent that your kid might be exposed to sex in video games, boycott Electronic Arts. If you are a gamer who wants to make the best out of your games, also boycott Electronic Arts. And if you are one of those deluded fanboys who don’t give a rat’s ass: it is never too late to convert.

1. EA sucks
   December 12, 2008, 19:34
   1

   lol… it’s reassuring to know EA still sucks i havent bought any of its crap in 10 months except crysis :)

   Reply

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